Mu buzima bwa buri muntu, akenshi dutekereza ku rukundo nk’imwe mu nkingi z’ibanze zo kugira ibyishimo n’umunezero. Ariko se, umuntu wese akeneye umukunzi? Ese kuba nta mukunzi ufite bisobanura ko hari icyo ubura mu buzima?
Ubushakashatsi buravuga iki ku kugira umukunzi?
Abashakashatsi mu by’imibanire bagaragaza ko umubano w’urukundo (romantic relationship) ufite uruhare runini ku buzima bwiza bw’umubiri n’ubw’umwuka:
Ikigo cy’Abanyamerika Gishinzwe Ubuzima Rusange CDC (2022) kigaragaza ko abantu bafite umubano ukomeye n’abandi, cyane cyane urimo urukundo rw’umwihariko, baba bafite ibyago bike byo kurwara indwara ziterwa n’agahinda kenshi n’umunaniro uhoraho.
Ubushakashatsi bwa Harvard Study of Adult Development ((Vaillant & Waldinger, 2017), imibanire myiza ni ishingiro ry’umunezero). Bumaze imyaka irenga 80 bukurikiranira hafi ubuzima bw’abantu, bwagaragaje ko imibanire myiza n’urukundo bifite uruhare rukomeye kurusha amafaranga cyangwa ibindi byagezweho mu kazi.
Ibi bihamya bigaragaza ko abantu bafite urukundo rw’umwihariko baba bafite ibyishimo byinshi, bagira ubuzima bwiza kandi bakumva bafite umutekano.
Ariko se, umuntu wese akeneye umukunzi uyu munsi?
Nubwo ubushakashatsi bugaragaza inyungu, si buri gihe ngo umuntu wese abe agomba guhita ashaka umukunzi. Hari igihe umuntu aba akwiye kubanza gutuza, akiyubaka mu bitekerezo, mu myumvire ndetse no mu mico.
Umushakashatsi Dr. Bella DePaulo, umuhanga mu kwiga imibanire y’abantu batashatse, agaragaza ko umuntu ashobora kuba mwiza, afite ibyishimo kandi yuzuza inshingano ze adafite umukunzi. Ibyo bikajyana no kwiyubaka mu ntekerezo, kumenya icyo ushaka, no kubanza gukunda ubuzima ufite mbere yo kwinjira mu rukundo.
Bibiliya ivuga iki ku rukundo rw’abantu?
Bibiliya itanga ishusho y’uko Imana yaremye umuntu mu buryo akeneye kuba hamwe n’undi: “Uwiteka Imana iravuga iti: Si byiza ko umuntu aba wenyine; reka muremere umufasha umukwiriye.”Itangiriro 2:18
Ibi byerekana ko mu ishusho y’Imana, umubano hagati y’umugabo n’umugore ari ingirakamaro kandi ni umugisha. Ariko kandi, Bibiliya igaragaza ko igihe kimwe umuntu ashobora guhitamo kubaho adafite uwo babana mu rukundo rw’umwihariko, bitewe n’inshingano cyangwa umuhamagaro: “Abatararongorana kandi n’abapfakazi, ndababwira yuko icyiza kuri bo ari uko bagumya kumera nkanjye.” 1 Abakorinto 7:8
Aha Pawulo yerekana ko hari abahitamo kutashaka bitewe n’inshingano bafite mu murimo w’Imana cyangwa indi mpamvu y’ubuzima, kandi ibyo na byo ni byiza imbere y’Imana.
Inama ku muntu wibaza niba akeneye umukunzi
Mu gihe wibaza niba koko ukeneye umukunzi, ni ingenzi kwibaza ibibazo by’ingenzi:Ese ni iki kinkurura mu rukundo: ni urukundo nyakuri cyangwa ni agahinda ko kwigunga? Ese niteguye kugendera mu kuri, kubahana no gukomeza kwiyubaka n’undi muntu?Ese nkeneye umukunzi cyangwa nkeneye kubanza kwiyumvamo agaciro kanjye nk’umuntu wihagije imbere y’Imana?
Kugira umukunzi ni umugisha, ariko gukundana nabi bishobora kubabaza kuruta kuba uri wenyine. Ni yo mpamvu Bibiliya ivuga iti: “Ibisigaye, iby’ukuri byose, ibyo kūbahwa byose, ibyo gukiranuka byose, ibiboneye byose, iby’igikundiro byose n’ibishimwa byose, nihaba hariho ingeso nziza kandi hakabaho ishimwe abe ari byo mwibwira.” Abafilipi 4:8
Ibi bidufasha kumenya ko urukundo rugomba gushingira ku mwanya Imana iguha, igihe gikwiye, n’umutima witeguye.
Icyo wakora uyu munsi
Senga: saba Imana ikuyobore, iguhe ubwenge bwo kumenya igihe n’umuntu ukwiye. Iyubake: komereza ku kwiga, ku murimo, ku mishinga yawe, ku nshuti n’umuryango.Fata umwanya uhagije: wigire ku byabaye mbere, wige kumenya umutima wawe, kandi wige kwihaza mu rukundo rwa Kristo. Menya neza uwo wifuza: niba hari uwo wumva ushobora gukundana na we, fata umwanya wo kumumenya, mubwizanye ukuri, kandi mwubake umubano utarimo uburyarya.
Icyo kuzirikana
Kuba ufite umukunzi si ikimenyetso cy’uko uri umuntu wuzuye, ahubwo ni impano yuzuzanya n’umutima umeze neza imbere y’Imana. Urukundo rw’ukuri ruritonderwa, rugategurwa, rukubakwa, rugasengerwa. Kandi aho rukomereye, Imana ihaba Umufasha w’ibanze. “Ngiri itegeko ryanjye: mukundane nk’uko nabakunze.” (Yohana 15:12)
Umusozo
Niba wumva uri mu gihe cyo kugira umukunzi, shikama, usenge kandi wiheshe agaciro. Niba utari witeguye, na byo ni byiza kuko igihe cyawe kizagera, kandi Imana izakizana ku buryo bwiza nibona bikwiye.
Ese koko nkeneye umukunzi? Igisubizo ni iki: ushobora kumukeneye, ariko kuruta byose, akeneye wowe witeguye, wubakiye ku Mana, wubakiye ku kuri, kandi witeguye gukundana mu rukundo nyakuri.